Friday was yet another lesson in living "The Power of Now". After stopping my progesterone on Thursday 5/22 (with a low beta of 183), I expected to miscarry rather quickly. This little embryo had another plan in mind. No cramping, no bleeding and my beta continued to creep up over the next few days. By Tuesday, 5/27 my levels were at 399, not exactly the decrease we were hoping for. Concerns over this being ectopic were rising quickly. I did one more beta the following day, Wednesday 5/28 and it had increased again to 422.
I started to panic. It was too soon to see anything on ultrasound, we couldn't determine the location, and my beta levels were rising (verrrryyyy slowly). My RE, in an attempt to better diagnose the location of the pregnancy, suggested we do an endo biopsy on the same day I received my last beta. If you've been following my story since the beginning, you know that I had an extremely traumatic experience with an HSG (not performed by my RE) that left me mentally scarred and afraid of all things touching my cervix. I came up with every excuse I could not to do it that day because I was terrified of the pain. I need to mentally prepare myself for these things...and of course get hopped up on some serious mg of ibuprofen beforehand.
She let it slide and told me it wasn't absolutely urgent, but recommended I schedule it two days later, if I didn't begin bleeding. I spent those two days googling everything... methotrexate, D&C's, endometrial biopsy pain, miscarriage...and then I panicked about each possible scenario becoming a reality.
Sure enough, the appointment rolled around and I had yet to see even a pin drop of blood. I figured I was doomed. My hubby accompanied me to my appointment for support and/or to silence my anticipated loud series of expletives from the back room. Wouldn't want to scare off any new patients ;)
I propped myself up in the stirrups and told my RE "be easy on me!". As we were prepping to do the biopsy, she decided to do an ultrasound one last time, and sure enough we saw a little tiny sac/spot in the uterus. My lining still looked thick, which also indicates that something may be going on in the right area, but still we needed to be cautious ruling out ectopic. To be safe, she wanted to proceed with the biopsy anyway. Dammit! She put the speculum in and then I heard the two most beautiful words..."you're bleeding!". She saw blood trickling from my cervix, which hopefully means my body is starting to figure things out on its own (finally!). I was literally saved by the speculum!
I never thought I'd be celebrating this occasion, but I reallllyyyy didn't want the biopsy. I've already come to terms with this pregnancy being a failure, so although it's still sad, I'm glad i'm finally on my way back to square one! Now we just have to hope my body continues to expel things naturally, so I can avoid further assistance.
After the appointment, my poor husband, who has endured a few crying/anger episodes over the past few nights said ... "See, this is why you need to take things one day at a time"...and he is exactly right. I spent days leading up to this appointment immersed in worries about tomorrow, next week, next month over the dissolution of this failed pregnancy...for nothing. Time to get back into my "now" mantra. :)
"There are plenty of difficult obstacles in your path.
Don't allow yourself to become one of them."
I'm so glad you are finally able to move forward!! Being stuck where you were had to be heartbreaking and challenging!! But this is only going to make you stronger!! Hope you're feeling ok!! Xoxo.
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