I Was Never Any Good at The Limbo

I've been quiet for a while. Wish I had some awesome excuse like I've been beach hopping or running wild in Disney, but really I've just been limbo-ing. Since my last post, where we determined the cycle had failed after a lack of progress in Betas (Recap: 9dp5dt: 27.5 / 11dp5dt: 28), we were shocked at 13dp5dt by a sudden increase in beta to (59.8). We were expecting a decrease (common with chemical pregnancies), but instead ended up back in limbo.

On 15dp5dt our beta continued to increase at a rate of 66% (not quite the holy double) to 100, followed by my final beta today at 17dp5dt which landed at 183 (83% increase in 48 hours). I had an ultrasound today, clearly too early to see anything, but RE wanted to take a look anyway. My uterine lining had increased which leads her to believe that whatever IS going on in there, is at least hopefully taking place in the right area, but still too early to rule out a tubal. Minimal free flowing fluid in the uterus...one ovary back to a normal size...one ovary still enlarged.

My RE has directed us to stop all meds, as she is not happy with the rise rate of the HCG and believes we are holding off the inevitable. Most women are well over 1000 at this point. I of course have turned to Dr. Google non-stop, searching for success stories with low/slow rising betas and I did manage to find a few, but found many more not-so-happy-endings, resulting in miscarriage or ectopic.

Although I don't want to drag this out if it is in fact not viable, it's very hard to swallow the idea of throwing in the towel, when my levels continue to rise, despite being low and slow. I can't help but wonder "what if?".

Here I am, pregnant (finally!), and now giving up on this embryo, and essentially everything I've wanted for a very, very long time...

I am happy to have had success, even if short lived, but I can't help but think this would be so much easier had the levels dropped or stalled on their own, or had I never gotten the BFP in the first place.

So what's next for us?

I will officially cut off medication tonight. I'm looking forward to being able to sit my ass on a chair without pain for a while. Back to the RE on Tuesday for a follow-up blood draw to confirm that the pregnancy is declining on its own. Praying we won't require any intervention. Not really the holiday weekend I was hoping for, but such is my luck.

Should my period begin on its own, I will take 1 cycle off for my body to recoup, and contact my RE with CD1 of my following Cycle to begin FET. This lands us around end of June, early July (should everything go as planned).

The good news is, we will be looking at doing a natural cycle, which means no more crazy hormones, no enlarged ovaries, and no progesterone shots. Simply following my natural cycle, we will watch for LH surge, transfer frozen embie and supplement estrogen/progesterone orally to be sure levels are regulated. Maybe my body will react better this way. Who knows?

No one ever said this was going to be easy, just wish it wasn't so hard!