Reflections From My Last Day in Paradise

As I sit here alone, with the clock ticking down my last morning in paradise, I feel a calmness I haven't experienced in almost a year.

I find myself in a daze watching the ocean drift, feeling the breeze cool my sun drenched body...listening to the choir of bird calls filling the air.

I can't recall a time when I had listened so intently to a pair of birds chirping, wondering what they are saying to each other. Watching them build a nest, persevering as each little branch fell to the floor.

It's in this moment, as I observe life around me and within me, that I realize this trip was exactly the reset and restart I needed to wake up my consciousness.

This vacation wasn't about getting a tan and drinking frozen fruity cocktails (although I can stop using flour as makeup for probably the next two weeks).

This trip was about freeing my mind of worry. It was about reconnecting with the real me, before I let anxiety, anger, depression and sadness take over. It was about laughing again and meaning it. I'm happy to say that I'm putting my fake smile to rest.

I am not ignorant to the fact that my struggle is not yet over, and I will have many more ups and downs along the way, but I've made a commitment to take back control of my mind, which I've been a slave to for over a year.

Whether you struggle with infertility or not, I recommend reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

The profound, yet simple messages in this book helped me regain consciousness and realize that "the present moment is all you ever have".

I've lived not only the past year, but most of my adult life, polluting every potentially wonderful new day with thoughts of yesterday and worry of tomorrow.

Tolle preaches that "All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and

not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms

of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence."

Go ahead, read that over a few times until it sinks in.

How often do you make NOW the primary focus of your life?

If you're anything like me, never. I'm in a constant limbo of past and future...

"Why me?"

"I spent over a year trying for something that was never going to happen."

"How will we pay for this?"

"Will the risks outweigh the benefit?"

"What if?"

... And what will be left of all the fearing, worrying and wanting associated with whatever problematic life situation you are letting take up most of your attention every day? "A dash, one or two inches long, between the date of birth and date of death on your gravestone."

The point is, "life isn't as serious as the mind makes it out to be".

When you can come to the realization that the only moment you ever really have is right NOW, you will be awakened and it will change your life.

With that, I will leave you with one more of my favorite quotes from this read and hope to inspire you to join me on a journey of enlightenment.

"Negativity is totally unnatural. It is a psychic pollutant, and there is a deep link between the poisoning and destruction of nature and the vast negativity that has accumulated in the collective human psyche. No other life-form on the planet knows negativity, only humans, just as no other life-form violates and poisons the Earth that sustains it. Have you ever seen an unhappy flower or a stressed oak tree? Have you some across a depressed dolphin, a frog that has a problem with self-esteem, a cat that cannot relax, or a bird that carries hatred and resentment? The only animals that may occasionally experience something akin to negativity or show signs of neurotic behavior are those that live in close contact with humans and so link into the humans mind and its insanity."

I'm ready to come home :)