1. “Try not to stress about it”
Oh. Is my aura of relaxation, peace, harmony, happiness, and awakening not apparent? Let me break it down for you...I could be in a monastic silence, in tibet, sitting next to the Dali Lama, and still wouldn't get pregnant.
2. “It will happen”…followed by...
“when you stop trying”, “when you least expect it”, “when you give up”
Someone better tell that to my (enter appropriate response here)...
3. “You’re so young, enjoy your life. There’s plenty of time”
You're right. We should wait to see how your kids turn out first.
4. “It takes normal, healthy couples up to a year”
Who...and might I add, WHAT, the fuck is normal?
5. “I know a lot of people who have done IVF, you’ll be fine”
WHEN were you going to tell me you are a clairvoyant?!
6. “It could be worse”
Telling me I shouldn't be sad, because someone has it worse is no different than telling me I shouldn't be happy, because someone has it better...
7. “Don’t worry, you can always adopt…”
So good to know we have other options! We always have about 30-45K lying around for a rainy day, when we figure "hey, this baby making thing isn't working out for us, let's just adopt!"
Things that annoy me…odd numbers. Nevertheless, this list of 7 things is just that, odd! As in, odd shit to say to someone who is struggling with infertility. What can I say? Diarrhea of the mouth gets the best of people sometimes.
I realize that infertility isn’t something that everyone understands. In fact, I found only those who have experienced or are experiencing some form of it themselves, could really relate. So if you're reading this, and you know me personally, and have said any of the above...know that you are forgiven (and i really like flowers).
I think it falls into the category of “what the hell do I say to someone who”…
- Has cancer
- Lost a loved one
- Is fighting a rare disease
- Has gone off the mo'fuckin deep end
Ya know, things that not everyone experiences on a daily basis.
Is there really ever a “right” thing to say? Sometimes
Does anyone intentionally mean to hurt your feelings when they insensitively respond to your situation? Probably not.
But if I could help make just a few people aware of how painful these phrases are to someone struggling with infertility, then I may save many women from a hormone induced rage of epic proportions.
If you’re struggling with infertility...share, print, distribute.
Feel free to add your own phrases and elementary hand sketched emojis as required.
If you’re supporting a friend who is struggling with infertility, please keep this condensed list in mind. The bottom line is, the only “right” thing to say is “I’m sorry, your situation really sucks. I hope it happens for you soon.” Sometimes just listening is enough, or chocolate...chocolate is helpful also.
I love it! It's the same for me. I even got one who thought she was funny when she said : I think you're just not trying hard enough haha! " what?!? But you're right, people just don't know what to say and they often forget that all we really need is a hug (and chocolate yeah!). Best of luck to you and every woman who goes through this. There is light, even in the darkest places.
ReplyDeleteOh my! Those fertile people say the darndest things don't they?! haha Best wishes to you as well. This journey is far too depressing at times...we really need to laugh every now and again :)
DeleteI hate how every single time I talk to my mom or mother in law about our male factor (there is no TMI when it comes to this infertility stuff anymore lol), they say, it only takes 1!! Ugh.
ReplyDeleteBut there is something that a friend of mine said that cracked me up and made things more lighthearted during the beginning of all this. She said, "just get drunk. it worked for the girls in my high school!"
:)
Alycia - I can completely relate to the "it only takes 1" line. My response to that is always "yes, and $20,000" haha! ;)
DeleteThere's 0 infertility in my family. A couple of "uh oh’s", a couple who get pregnant while on birth control pills, and the rest have an easy go of, "It happened the first month!" So when my mom told me, "Just have sex every day," I almost died. The worst was when a woman told me after my second miscarriage in two years, "At least you know you can get pregnant!" ...what I actually know is that when I get pregnant, my body will attack and kill my baby.
ReplyDeleteLove this post. I could agree more! If this journey is not hard enough. We still get to hear these nonsense.
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your blog for a couple of weeks and hoping you get your bfp soon!
I'm also on the 2WW. I did Femara and much shot this cycle. Hope it works :)
How quickly you forget :-)
ReplyDelete