Resolve to Know More

When to stop accepting "It takes healthy couples up to a year to conceive" as an answer...

Right now! Thank you and goodnight.

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This would be my shortest blog post to-date, but I'm compelled to elaborate, and share yet another story, in hopes of advocating for the infertility community (and those who don't yet know they are a member of it). 

If you've found your way to this post because:

• You're under the age of 35, and therefore are assumed to be perfectly fertile, and you're tired of being dismissed by your OBGYN...

• You're sick of hearing the same generic lines over and over again about how long it takes "normal" healthy couples to get pregnant...

• You're not on a (daily) phone-call basis with your OBGYN, but in the back of your mind, you're wondering if something is "wrong"...

...please know there is hope, and it lies with your future Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE).

If you've found your way to this post because the title resonates with your personal decision to see a specialist, thanks for championing your own health!

I won't bore you with every little depressing detail of my journey, frankly it's not fun to relive all of it anyway.

The Basics:

- I'm 27 years old, turning 28 in July

- Hubby is 29 years old, going on the BIG 3-0

- I went off of birth-control 3 years ago, after 9 consecutive years of pill-poppin'

- I like long walks on the beach, and...

Today marks exactly 1 year, 1 month and 12 days since my husband and I decided to start a family. According to my OBGYN, Dr.Google, and the rest of the OB community, I've just now crossed the threshold. The invisible line of (mis)conception, signifying the one year it takes "normal healthy couples" to conceive.  

Newsflash: No babies here!

Now let's rewind a bit and peek at a quick timeline of our year long baby-making (mis)adventures and my progression to lunacy...

Month 1: Had sex randomly throughout the month. I'm definitely pregnant. I can feel it.

Womp Womp.

Month 2: Oh, you mean there's only a certain time frame per month you can actually get pregnant? Purchases ovulation predictor kit. Baby danced during elusive fertile window. I think my boobs hurt. I must be pregnant.

Womp Womp.

Month 3: You want me to put that thermometer where? Purchase basal body thermometer and "cheapie" OPKs (because this month to month fertility paraphernalia shopping list is draining my bank account).

Still not pregnant.

Month 4: Is it supposed to be this hard? Clearly I must not be ovulating. Visit OBGYN. Told not to stress and reminded it takes up to a year to conceive. My copay funds aren't growing on trees people! 

Still not pregnant. But these things take...ahem..."time" :: rolls eyes ::

Month 5: Change diet to better my health. Start taking supplements. Stop exercising because I'm scared it's adding additional stress on my body. Enroll in meditation courses. Do I sound crazy yet?

Month 6: Back to OBGYN. Show up with a manila folder of BBT charts like a lunatic. Convince Doctor that I must not be ovulating. Doctor prescribes 50 mg of Clomid. Walked out of there like I had just found the golden ticket...to mommy-hood!! 

Month 7: Clomid round one. Turn into a raging, hormonal psycho. Wake up in night sweats. I'm hot. I'm cold. I don't care, I'm going to get pregnant! ...FAIL.

Month 8: Clomid round two. My body must have needed time to adjust to the medication (I jumped from making excuses for myself, to making excuses for the medication). Experience what I'm sure is an episode of OHSS. Distended belly, cramps, pain...and alas, no pregnancy. Here I was afraid of conceiving twins on Clomid and we can't even catch a single egg!

Month 9: Clomid round three. Third times a charm! ...FAIL.

Month 10: Finally lost all patience and my mind. Scheduled an appointment with an RE. Lied and said I had been trying for a year, because I was afraid of being turned down otherwise. I couldn't handle one more month of disappointment. 

Month 11: Highly anticipated appointment with RE. For the first time, I feel like someone understands. RE acknowledges that I was being dismissed by my OBGYN because of my age and affirms that it's peculiar that I didn't get pregnant after three rounds of Clomid. Investigation begins. Full work-up of tests for my husband and I.

Month 12: And the results (that we never saw coming) are in! One severe male factor infertility diagnosis and one perfectly healthy, perfectly fertile potential mommy diagnosis. Told that IVF/ICSI is our only chance. Heart crushed.

Month 13: Husband visits Urologist for further testing. We discover that his counts are continuing to deplete. He's on his way to sterility, and we don't know how soon.

...and the saga continues

We spent ten months trying for something that was never going to happen on its own. A year of heartache and depression that could have been prevented with one simple semen analysis? Retrospectively it makes me sad, angry and disappointed that we waited to seek out a specialist. I wish I would have come across this very same blog post months ago to spark a fire under me.

So my advice to you is as follows:

When you think, know, or feel like something is wrong...please don't let anyone (including yourself) hold you back from getting answers.