1DP5DT: PUPO & Eating for Two

Yesterday's transfer was a surprisingly tough day for me. I woke up feeling excited and hopeful, and quickly turned into a complete ball of nerves by the time I arrived at the hospital. It felt a lot like groundhog day, as I slipped on the same hopeful-mommy-to-be-moo-moo, non-slip-socks, and lunch lady hair net, staring at myself in the mirror thinking "I can't believe I'm here, again, trying to get pregnant". Unlike the first round, this time my guard was up...high. The "magic" was nowhere to be found, and though I'm a strong believer in the power of positivity, I found it nearly impossible to get myself to a mentally happy place, as I played out every "what if" scenario in my head while awaiting the "thaw report" from the RE.     

I knew going into this FET that there was a possibility one (or a few) of our frozen embryos wouldn't survive the thawing process, but I guess I just didn't expect it to happen. Sadly, we did lose one of our three remaining embryos, leaving us with one "beautiful" 4AB blast to transfer, and one to keep cryopreserved. Even though it's all part of the process, the sense of loss I felt at that moment was overwhelming. Suddenly, the success of 4AB became THAT much more important to me. 

I teared up during transfer. A mix of happy tears...and tears of pity. So much riding on one tiny, tiny little blob. I spent the rest of the day spooning with Mr. UKU on the couch watching movie, after movie. I was so restless by 10PM I was ready to drive around aimlessly just to get out of the house. Today, I just couldn't sit around the house all day, so we did our usual Sunday chores, at a much slower pace than usual.

My husband loves the post-transfer-wait because suddenly I have no reason not do the laundry and I'm more inclined to bake. Yep, that's how to make his heart melt folks...clean folded underwear and cookies. 

Anyway, I realize I can't err...shouldn't spend the next two weeks mentally sitting shiva, so I've decided instead to spend time connecting with 4AB, and the thought of motherhood. That's what being PUPO is all about right? Pregnant until proven otherwise. 

Today, we all went food shopping, as part of our usual Sunday routine. I eat a pretty healthy diet on a regular basis, but I get extra vigilant about what I put in my body when I know there's a little life depending on me. See what 4AB and I will be noshing on this week below...

As for 1DP5DT Symptoms - Half of which may be completely made up in my head:

- I feel WARM to the touch. Thank you progesterone.

- Waking up at the crack of dawn. Thank you anxiety. 

- Peeing more often, even though I haven't increased my intake much. Just. Weird.

- Slight, and i mean SLIGHT cramping or fullness feeling in uterus. Possibly imagining this.

4AB should be hatching or hatched at this point, and maybe even begun implanting if we have an overachiever on our hands. Let's hope so.

Here's what 4AB and I are eating this week:

Organic mixed berries (strawberries, blueberries, raspberries)

Organic grapes, apples, nectarines, bananas and pineapple

Organic mixed veggies (carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, broccoli, peppers, celery)

Organic zucchini, white onions and fresh spinach

Organic quinoa

Organic cage-free brown eggs

Organic chicken breast

...and of course lemons for paleo poppyseed lemon muffins :)