I know...it's an anomaly. How is it possible that on my fourth round of IVF, I'm actually calmer and more collected than I was undergoing round one? I can really only explain it in one way. What once was a scary, depressing, "I can't believe this is my life" moment-in-time, is now...well, my life. That's kind of sad when I read it on virtual paper lol. What I'm trying to say is this whole IVF thing has become my norm. What once was unfamiliar is now routine...expected.
If you've been following my story from the beginning, you know that things changed for me after my third fail. They say it's often through the most challenging circumstances where people tend to experience real transformation. This post is confirmation of just that. I truly believe life hinges upon paradigm shifts - those "big bang" moments that revolutionize your thoughts. I just woke up one morning and decided I was done feeling bad for myself. In that same moment, I knew I needed a change of focus. Less IVF, more ME, and more things that make me happy. So I kicked-off my #monthsofme project and spent time reading, DIYing, friend-hopping, and traveling. It was pure bliss. But it was even more than that, it was meaningful. It was through this shift in focus, and (much-needed) break from IVF that two very powerful personal changes were made...
1. I realized my struggle with infertility was a struggle because I allowed it to be.
2. I learned to accept failure. Yes, the shitty part of life that no one wants to come to terms with.
The reality is, I never could have planned for any of this, and for the most part, becoming a mother (to a biological child) is completely out of my hands. It sucks no matter how you slice it. Nevertheless, I'm here again, for a fourth time, a few days away from "baby on board" status, and for once my excitement is outweighing my apprehension. Thank you paradigm shift!
Natural FET stats this cycle:
CD03: Baselines - All is quiet
CD10: Started monitoring
CD12: 3 x 9mm follicles / Endo: 5.2mm
CD16: 15mm lead follicle, three less than 10mm / Endo 10mm Type 1
CD19: 20mm lead follicle / Endo 10.5mm Type 1
CD21: 24mm lead follicle / Endo 11 Type 1
CD22: LH surge detected
CD23: Ovulation confirmed, start baby aspirin 1 x Day
CD25: Start doxy, medrol, oral progesterone
CD30: Embryo transfer scheduled
Good Luck! Fingers crossed for you!!
ReplyDeleteSending u lots of good vibes ur way. Hoping everything works out. Keep up those good spirits and optimism.
ReplyDeleteYour words are so important. I am recently starting to deal with infertility. I had an MRI today which will hopefully officially diagnose my uterine anomaly which first presented itself on my HSG. I have so many emotions, mostly sadness, fear and anxiety. Your perspective, your ability to be joyful, is just what I need to hear. Wishing you all the best!
ReplyDeleteI just had my first round of ivf, stage 2 endo. Good luck ☺😊
ReplyDeleteWe collected 24 eggs is a lot; eight were fertilized, two inseminated. We rejoice in each small victory, "says Eric. "It is always stressed, adds Brigitte. After fertilization, it takes twelve days before to confirm the pregnancy. While this sounds ridiculous, it refrains from going to the toilet, so we are afraid. Then comes the call that changes your life. "
ReplyDeleteThis is really a wonderful post.
ReplyDelete