The tracks end here! I'm finally getting off the train of disappointment. After a whirlwind of low and slow increasing betas, veins, cramps and bleeding pulling disappearing acts every other day, and more blood draws than I ever thought imaginable...I'm ready to end the torture. D&C scheduled for tomorrow morning. Though I was really hoping my body would figure things out on its own, I'm both mentally and physically tired of waiting. We still have not completely been able to rule out ectopic, but my RE feels strongly that we are dealing with a failed IUP. The D&C will surely establish the validity of our assumptions.
I'm looking forward to a much needed reset, following what has been the most rewarding and hardest "ttc cycle" for me yet. Though all the answers were right around the corner following my transfer date, the excessive blood draws and constant doctor visits really amplified my emotions. I did manage to get pregnant, even though our 4AA embie didn't make it (further proof that it's what's on the inside that counts). We're chalking it up to abnormal chromosomes. Am I bitter? Absolutely. Am I sad? Yes. Am I giving up? No.
First on my list of priorities is planning another vacation. I'll work on restoring some faith in round two over a few margaritas. As this first IVF cycle officially comes to an end, I am realizing that you really never stop learning about yourself, and those around you. This process has taught me a lot.
To my husband, family, friends and ttc sisters...thanks for keeping my head above water.
Though defeated yet again, I feel like I can take on the world.
Love your optimism! You're right, you have to take time to be sad and upset and angry, but you also ha e to move on, or you'll never make it!! Vacation and margaritas sounds awesome!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post. This post shows others that you have the will to make your dreams come true. I am praying for you and know that you will heal fast.
ReplyDelete